Graced with Grit

holding my own hand here… and maybe yours too?

A year ago, I was stuck in my head more than I’d like to admit- overanalyzing everything, second-guessing myself constantly, and just trying to get through the day without mentally spiraling. I wasn’t in a terrible place, but I also wasn’t okay. I think I was just… surviving.

I thought by now I’d feel more “together.” Spoiler: I don’t. But I’ve learned some things, mostly the hard way. Not life-changing revelations, just quiet truths that I wish I could’ve handed to the version of me who was overwhelmed, unsure, and pretending she was fine.

So this post is for her. And maybe for you, if you’re in that space too.

1. there’s no reward for rejecting rest

I used to think that if I did all the right things- go to therapy, spend time outside, have timers on social apps, read self-help books, listen to the preachy podcasts- that then I would wake up one day & magically feel like me again… lmao. Turns out (SHOCKER) my inability to sit still, and allow rest, was actually causing more harm than good. Moderation truly doesn’t discriminate, it wants it all. The morning walk and the Sunday rot, the healthy habits and the growth relapses, moderation must exist everywhere in order to be affective anywhere.

2. don’t ‘let them’

If you know me, you know my opinions on Mel Robbins’ book, The Let Them Theory… I’m not exactly a fan, for a myriad of reasons.

The let them theory (essentially) encourages you to stop trying to ‘control’ how others act, think, or feel and instead, let them. Let them judge you. Let them leave. Let them not support you. The idea is that when you stop fighting for control or approval, you free yourself from unnecessary stress.

We, as a society, continue to neglect the importance of one another. This is not to say that we should let other peoples opinions, actions, or feelings control our life, but that we should value the thoughts and feelings of others, especially those we hold close. By focusing so much on letting people do whatever they want, it risks promoting hyper-individualism– the idea that we’re all just responsible for ourselves and shouldn’t concern ourselves with others’ needs, feelings, or the relational impact of our actions.

In practice, this can:

• Encourage people to disengage rather than communicate,
• Undermine the importance of community and mutual accountability,
• Normalize emotional distance as a substitute for healthy boundaries.

It’s valid to want peace, but relationships, especially ones that matter, require effort, understanding, and sometimes hard conversations.

3. Shame is the antithesis of connection

Contrary to Melly Rob, I love Brené Brown (maybe because she actually studies what she talks about). Brenè’s work on shame is incredibly impactful- with her main message being that shame thrives in secrecy and judgement, and connection is created by empathy and vulnerability… Preaching to the choir girl! We have to get through the discomfort of vulnerability in order to attain connection. Similarly, we need vulnerability (connection) to rid ourselves of shame. It is ONLY when we display our shame that we become open to the benefits of connection. Way easier said than done, in case you’re wondering.

I have a really unhealthy coping mechanism where I remove myself from my support system when I’m struggling. Which (for me) comes from feeling that my needs wouldn’t be met, regardless of if I advocated for them or not. This led to feeling judged for my needs, and shame began to take over. It’s a bit comical, the thing that will save you (connection via vulnerability) is also the same thing that caused you shame (vulnerability- expressing needs).

4. Celebrate often & well

What I’ve come to realize is, it is up to you to decide how exciting your life is. I don’t mean how luxurious it is, or how rich you are, but do you approach your own life with excitement? Do you plan celebrations for mini milestones, do you approach holidays with childlike glee, and if not, why?

I love my birthday. Anyone of my friends could tell you that, and I’m sure my boyfriend would nod LOUDLY. Almost as much as I love Christmas. The reason why is pretty simple- quality time with people I care about. Unfortunately, Christmas is in December and my birthday is in February, leaving 9 months of misery… kidding (but also not kidding). When I started dating my now boyfriend I knew I wanted celebrating one another to be done more often than once a year for a birthday or anniversary. And so we have. Each month one of us is in charge of planning a date- there we talk about our favorite moments of the past month, and what we are looking forward to coming up.

Along with this, as women, we have GOT to start celebrating things other than marriages and babies. Both are wonderful, but they are not YOU. I think of the excitement I felt for my friends getting into Vet school and Law school, knowing how hard they’ve worked to get there, and how excited they are to begin their careers. I carry their excitement with me; to celebrate with them, and to remind them of the purpose behind their passion.

A month ago, when I was accepted to graduate school, I was reminded why celebrating is so important. I could cry merely writing about it, but the pride I had for myself, combined with the happiness of my friends and family, made everything even more gratifying.

Closing notes

So no, I don’t have it all figured out. I still overthink, still care too much, still get knocked down by things I thought I was “past.” But I’ve learned a lot, quietly, slowly, and sometimes painfully. And if nothing else, I’m proud of the version of me who kept showing up.

If you’re in a hard place right now, I hope you remember that growth doesn’t always look like winning. Sometimes it looks like surviving. Sometimes it looks like caring even when it hurts. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re becoming- even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

Let this be a soft reminder: grace and grit can exist in the same breath.

You’re doing better than you think. Talk soon!